Have You Felt Exhausted and Overwhelmed?

My youngest daughter, Josslyn Noel, loves to hear me tell the story of her birth. “Right after you were delivered, the doctor shouted, ‘She peed!’ And the entire delivery room erupted in cheers!” She thinks it’s hilarious that she peed all over her doctor, but someday she will understand how relieved we all were - even our doctor was thrilled to be soaked. You see, we knew Josslyn was going to be born with one kidney, and we weren’t sure if it would function or not. 

Two months later after many tests, we found out Josslyn’s kidney was not functioning well on it’s own. It wasn’t balancing the Ph in her blood. This meant tons of doctor appointments three hours away and making bottles that looked like science experiments. Josslyn had too much acidity in her blood, and she could have had “Tiny Tim Syndrome” or renal tubular acidosis. During this time, my oldest was 13 and involved in several activities and sports but was also acting like a rebel teenager, and my son just turned two and was busy and inquisitive. And I should mention that my husband is a farmer who often works 12-15 hours each day. To put it mildly, I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning as I tried to keep up with my family and with my work as a teacher with several preps and so much grading. 

I’m sure you’ve all felt utter exhaustion and overwhelm during different periods of your life, too. 

That year is a blur. Thank goodness for pictures and video because I don’t have many memories from that time. Then right before Josslyn turned one, I traveled to France for a writer’s workshop in Provence along with the opportunity to spend time along Nice’s shores for a week after the workshop. My greatest desire was to rejuvenate myself and to have the space to write. And I wrote a lot! I poured out my heart during that time I had in France. To be honest, a lot of it was negative because I finally had the chance to process and purge out all the fear, exhaustion, overwhelm, uncertainty, and sadness that I had felt that year. But guess what, I also wrote a new story for my life - I wrote what needed to happen...what I wanted the future to become so I could function fully and be the best version of myself. One of the things I wrote was that I wanted the opportunity to work part time. I wasn’t sure how that would happen, but I wrote it, and I was determined to take better care of myself along with all of “my people”. 

Then, guess what happened? I came home. I was back into the chaos, but because I had purged all the negative beliefs out on the page while in France, I had more room in my head to focus on all of my blessings. That was helpful, but in reality I was still constantly on the go and feeling drained.

Then the next spring we did some rearranging in our English department and a part time position was open. This is unheard of in our rural school community! I asked if I could step down from full to part time, and it was approved.

But you want to know what was most astonishing? 

The day I found out I had the part time position, my journal from France appeared. Realizing I had been there just one year before, I picked it up and took a look.  I almost fell over when I saw I wrote in my journal about a conversation I had with my friend Jenine where I said, “It would be best for my family if I could work part time….” And if that wasn’t a knock over the head, I had also written exactly one year before: May 22!

After that I learned to write “my story” in my journal - to write down what I hope and want and dream my life to be. It’s the times I neglect to write and get connected with my heart that my life tends not to be in a good place. Life happens and sometimes I fall off the wagon, but then I hop back on and write again. I write my future life story. 

Because of this, I have become more present to my words, not only on paper but the words that I speak. I have rewritten the story of what I want to happen, I’ve reframed my thoughts, and I’ve come to terms with emotions I’ve struggled with. This has been a lot of work, but it truly has benefited me.

I’m not saying that life is all rainbows and unicorns, if it was, how would we grow? But the act of writing has helped me to get out of my head and into my heart. Writing has helped me through difficult decisions and situations. Writing has been a tool who has become one of my best friends. I have written my story, and I want to teach you what I do, so you can too. I want to help you write out the darkness, so you can bring in the light, focus on your blessings, and imagine your very best life. I do this in a lot of different journaling techniques. Starting with my How to Journal Guide would be a good place to start, but also trying a
”Want Journal” would be helpful. And if you’re really struggling to get started, send me a message. We can brainstorm some helpful ways for you to get started. Writing can be a powerful tool to help you! I have used it to understand myself better in order to be the best version of myself. You can, too! Let me help you. 

Please comment below to let me know what you wrote about or learned from this. I would love to hear from you!

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